THE ATHENS NEWS TIMES

ROCK ON THE ROCK

October 24, 2000

Visitors to Western Culture's first Shrine were astonished to find a massive, strikingly life-like rock mulling around the Parthenon with a "shit-eating" grin and a six pack of Shaefer beer. The giant monolith appeared to be inebriated and at the tail end of a week-long drinking binge. Residue from a Roy Rogers' value meal and particles of human waste were strewn about the historic site. When prodded for an explanation the belligerent mineral gleefully quoted the ancient writer Marcus Porcius Cato, "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."