Kidneys:
|
Slightly damaged
due to the patient's exposure to toxic pollutants absorbed from drinking
tainted tap water. Patient says he feels fine and would vote against
the Clean Water Act again next time.
|
Bowel:
|
Full of shit.
|
Ears:
|
Unable to hear liberals
or moderates. The patient claims that a big tax rebate will fix this
problem.
|
Eyes:
|
Corrective lenses
required for shortsightedness, but the patient still has no vision
for the future.
|
Nose:
|
Smells.
|
Lungs:
|
Doesn't care: Has
promised to "review" existing clean-air enforcement cases against
big-polluting electric power plants and refineries. The "review" involves
lawsuits by the Justice Department against more than a half-dozen
major electric utility companies accused of violating the Clean Air
Act.
|
Liver:
|
Not damaged nearly
as badly as George's.
|
Pancreas:
|
Well oiled, from
years in the business.
|
Erectile Function:
|
Normal; currently
the patient seems to be pretty far up George's ass.
|
Stomach:
|
Needs to try "The
Ninety Day Sharpton".
|
Larynx:
|
The patient's voice
seems normal, except that his lips appear to move slightly while his
friend George is speaking...
|
Spleen:
|
All the time.
|
Legs:
|
Not as interested
in chasing them as Bill and Gary. Could just be the heart condition:
see below.
|
Arms:
|
Can't have too many.
|
Thyroid:
|
Temperature regulation
affected by global warming. [The patient has requested a second opinion]
|
Heart:
|
Government officials
state that this organ is functioning normally in spite of the following:
|
(4) heart attacks [the first at age 37]
|
Overweight
|
Heavy smoker for many years
|
Quadruple bypass surgery in 1988
|
High blood pressure
|
High cholesterol
|
Insertion of a coronary stent to prop open a narrowed artery, in 2001
|
Insertion of a pacemaker and defibrillator to regulate irregular heart beats and heart rates, in 2001
|
High stress working conditions; has to do his own work, as well as his boss'
|
