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New Year's Esprit
de Corps
January 10, 2001
S. Pokey
Now that you've all had
some time to reflect on the holiday enigma we call New Years, I thought I'd
share a little holiday spirit...
I'm leaving Christmas
and Hanukkah alone because it would have been far too easy...the commercialization
of two holidays... the first obviously fake (virgin birth my ass...) and the
second unimportant and really only used to keep up with the Jones's... it's
a sad day when the only true religion has to give out gifts and sell out to
compete with the "masses"...
But New Year's....there's
a holiday that I absolutely despise and yet most people really enjoy it. Now
I know what some of you are thinking... its because I'm a bitter girl who
doesn't drink and is all alone and will be all alone for the rest of her life...
but I digress... that is NOT why I hate New Years... that's why I hate life
in general... but that should be left for another tirade!
I hate New Years because
it is a ridiculous holiday... much like Columbus Day or Flag Day...
I have never had a successful
New Years... I'll list a few examples:
1. All through high
school every New Year's eve... scary, tough, high school girls would accuse
me of sleeping with their boyfriends (most of whom were in PRISON at the
time) and threaten me bodily harm... not a good time!
2. My 21st New Years...I'm
in Switzerland and find out that my parents are getting a divorce after
27 years of marriage...Woo, Hoo! Pass the noise maker...
3. Last year I spent
hours trying to get to Burlington to meet my friends and ended up getting
stuck in LaGuardia, staging a coup d'etat at the airline, which turned out
to be a putsch because I got sent back to DC and spent New Years with two
kids I don't really know, watching the fireworks from a STAIRWELL!!! the
only person whose night was as bad as mine was Amy G_'s [name changed to
protect the guilty]!
In addition, everyone
makes resolutions they don't plan on keeping, you end up going to parties
where you don't care about the people, you have to dress up and be uncomfortable
and I ALREADY CELEBRATED NEW YEARS THIS YEAR BY FASTING!!!
So that's it... Next
year, I invite all of you to do what I did this New Years...sat at home, in
my PJ's... watched movies about death and didn't talk to anyone... but if
you all insist on "having fun" then I hope you'll be safe, and have a "fun"
and healthy New Years...
...You sellouts!
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