February 14, 2001
S. Pokey

Hello Everyone-

Well, it's time to celebrate a holiday that has a special place in my heart... no pun intended... it is once again time for the holiday where only CERTAIN people can truly be happy and enjoy... Oh sure, I don't get to celebrate the birth of the fake messiah, but I have a true religion to believe in! And yes, I always feel a certain pang when Secretary Day goes by and I know I won't be getting flowers... but this is even worse! you see, this is the day that everybody who is "in love" feels the need to rub it in everyone else's faces. This is the day that Public Displays of Affection (PDAs for short) are everywhere and accepted by the mass of society as alright, even "cute or sweet"! This is the time when chocolate candies no longer just taste good...no, now they have to MEAN something..

Those of you who know me... which is everyone on this email list... know that I hate Valentine's Day because I am alone and bitter. I make no secret of this...despite my charm, my stunning good looks, my keen fashion sense and the kindness I show to all people big and small, I am still alone with no Valentine (Mom: STOP CRYING). I won't be getting cards, flowers or chocolates (add sad music here) I won't be going out to dinner or reading crappy poetry with the person I love (sound of tears hitting my keyboard) because I AM ALONE! But I have a plan...bear with me...

First off, I have to destroy some hopes and dreams...

Now most of the people on my list are alone, as in have no Valentine... I like to surround myself by lonely people because it makes me feel better about myself and my situation....there are a few exceptions to this alone mentality and I would like to address a few of these individually:

N____: Your camel does not count as a Valentine... I know you sleep with it but trust me... it does not count.

A____: I know you and your fellow 7-11 workers get together for a big Valentine's day party... complete with free cherry slurpies... but that also does not count.

A____: According to the great United States... your valentine only counts in the state of Vermont so you have a week to book your flights!

D____: Repeat after me... a pillow with a lipstick face painted on it that you kiss and sleep with is not a Valentine... keep saying this till it makes sense...

A____: I'm not going to even begin going down this road! You can thank me later...

For the others of you who think that you have "sweethearts" or "significant others"... for those of you on this list who are married and "in love" I will leave you with this....love is a fleeting thing and who knows when you'll end up alone and despondent so I don't blame you for trying to get all the candy and flowers you can while the endorphins or seratonin levels (M____ and B____ I'm right aren't I!) still have you all convinced that you're happy...

But back to the plan that I mentioned at the start of this whole thing... . This is my thinking... . We all have to put up with this shitty, made up day so we should try to make the best of it (look how positive I can be!!)...

I challenge all of you to send out some Valentine Day e-mails... to people you know, people you work with, people you're related to (T____, I threw that in for you!) or even random people on MY e-mail list (I know that only a few of you know each other and that in the past communication between all of you has typically ended in huge philosophical debates about religion and the like... but let's try this again). Let's throw back to the days of old... to the days of cheesy cards and sweetheart candies... back to the days when life still had the promise of being good. Sure, most of us will still be miserably alone but at least we'll be able to lull ourselves into a false happiness!

So I am stepping up right now and wishing everyone a happy Valentine's Day. For those of you alone, remember, we all really die alone anyway; and for those of you with someone... remember that little death thing too!

So Happy V-Day... and if you all want to send me flowers or chocolates, my address follows below...

You know you all love me!

Love S___

### ## St. NW Apt #

Washington, DC #####

PS: I'm serious about the sending me chocolate thing....